I'm fed up of being a mess.

One of those phrases from my late teenage/uni days which has always made me think was "fill your boots". A common, fairly obnoxious thing to say. However, it was always something that I felt that I SHOULD be doing. I mean, come on. "Sort your life out Coleman". How many times did I hear that? Surely I should have learned to look after myself several years ago. Protect your heart, trust no one, depend only upon yourself.

I just LOVE trusting people though. I love letting people in, only to get stabbed in the face by my own rage. Why can't I pull myself together? These days I am such a wallower. Misery loves its own company in my opinion.

FUCK. I'm wallowing right now, whilst I type this. That insurmountable pressure is always so present right now. I wait for some word, some SIGN because I'm too afraid to do anything myself. I make a list (as always) only to rip it up. I never used to rip them up. I think I'm getting worse.

I miss you. I love you. Empty.