Oh dear.

People assume that because you do not work in a job which is relevant to what you class as your personal "expertise" that either you don't have two brain cells to rub together, or that you are lazy, or that you have no confidence in your own abilities. I think those three pretty much sum up most people in this economic climate. Is today the day when things will change? Can people afford to take the risk and jump in feet first without bearing in mind what the consequences might be?

Employments risks in 2011 seems worse than ever. Redundancy, job shortages, you name it, you'll know someone who has experienced these problems. I myself recently almost lost my job and it fills you with this uncertain fear. You might not like your job, but is there anything else you could do right now? I know that I most certainly do not have much faith in myself. I struggle to compensate for my own lack of enthusiasm about my future, let alone to try and be enthusiastic to yet another person who asks me what I'm going to do with my degree(s).

How many people do I know who actually work in a field of interest which their degree was in? 3. Perhaps 4. Out of so many people that I know of who went to university in the past couple of years, maybe 5% have a job they want to do for the foreseeable future. That is a sad and alarming statistic. Those days of "finish one job on a Friday, start a new one on the following Monday" have existed for years. The state of the economy and its impacts upon the "average" person have become so detrimental that people face poverty in more ways than one.


Yet, you go to a city centre on a Saturday and the place is full of people with money to burn. This is something that I cannot come to terms with in my own head. The rich most certainly haven't particularly lost anything, although reading in the newspaper the other day about Adele being taxed 4 million pounds makes one widen one's eyes. So where exactly will this 4 million pounds of a taxpayers money go? Where does the billions of pounds that we pay in tax go? Somewhere to line someone's pockets? This isn't a third world country; that shouldn't be happening. It shouldn't happen there either. Bribery and forgery. Yada yada yada. It's old news now isn't it? No. It isn't. It's disgusting and people should feel demoralised in the fact that we live in a society where it is better to step over someone to get where you want, rather than to even step on them.

I think that the prospect of September looming towards me like a big monster has made me think twice about the job market and about a career. I still have no idea what I want to do and I am getting sick of being asked. However, in this climate, can I refuse any work? Does this mean I would have to sacrifice some dreams, just so that maybe I have to stay in Stoke longer? Is travelling really an option? You're meant to be able to do anything that you want, but how can you?

The M word.

So Kate and William did it. My best friend did it last year.

Marriage. Matrimony. The declaration to another that you will love them forever. Pretty much.

I watched the Royal wedding. It was without a doubt spectacular; as it should be. However, what about people who invite the Prince of Monaco, but he's too busy to attend? Are weddings all about who you invite? Are they about just the two of you, enjoying your moment in the sun? Are couples buying into an image when they get married? Are they hoping that there will be a couture dress and an 18-tiered cake in it for them? I think the sanctity of marriage has been lost in some cases. Divorce is common, as are affairs. There's also these dramatically long engagements, spanning years, decades, whatever. My own humble opinion is that engagement is the precursor to marriage, not the place you wait forever to never be asked again if you want to be wed.

I have stated frequently that I don't think I will ever get married. I can not see myself walking down the aisle, or signing the big book with the fancy pen. However, after watching THE wedding, I sort of changed my mind. I mean, I'm not a royalist in any shape or form. When I watched them, however, I could sort of see myself, mirrored in the nerves, in the coyness, in the laughter and the little comments. The actual intimacy, although it appeared to be lost, was actually there in parts and I liked it.

I may never marry a prince, there aren't that many going spare these days, but what if there is someone who would meet me at the end of the alter? Someone who was like me; who could see the point in it all. Who wanted to declare something personal, to me, no one else, apart from those who would be eavesdropping from the pews. Perhaps romance isn't really dead. Perhaps there is someone else who thought romance was dead. Then they decide to think again. Is there someone from everyone? I have seen people fall in love, as we all have and I have seen it break down. I have been a part of that breakdown. I've fallen in love and out of it and been pushed out of it too. When is the time when you decide that it's okay to get hurt. It's okay to put yourself out there. Make a fool of yourself. I do not do that willingly.

Perhaps it actually lingers where you least expect it. Romance. Love. Whatever. Maybe I'll find it. Maybe. Maybe I did and it's gone now. Who knows really.