Impractical boundaries.

Feeling very contemplative in the face of another Sunday of cold cups of tea and mountains of books.

I got to thinking about boundaries; specifically the impractical kind. When you know what you want, but those walls get built up between you and that thing that you want. How can you deal with this in the face of adversity? Do you just turn around, metaphorically, and go home, trying to reconcile yourself with the fact that perhaps, this isn't going to work out how you planned? All those hours you spent pondering how GREAT it could really be. Then you come to a realisation that a) you don't live in a dream world i.e. inside your own head because that is mental and b) life is fucking unfair. Making those lists makes you put things into something we all like to call "perspective". In fact, perspective is a massive lie. I know this because I don't have any perspective.

I have selfishness and awkwardness and tweeness and a handful of broken thoughts.

Is there a way of overcoming such boundaries? Well, sacrifice is one thing. Sacrificing your happiness and someone else's happiness. Throwing comfort out of the window for the long haul. If you put aside your own happiness for the short-term, does this make you happier in the long-term? I don't think so. I actually think that maybe it COULD, but human nature is so passive and full of what-ifs, that nobody is really happy.(?).

However, so you're in this place where you've realised (list) that a) you haven't got what you want, so that can't make you happy, b)you're miserable because you haven't got what you want and have decided that it's "for the best" for it to be this way and c)you're miserable because you're making another list. Perhaps I just enjoy lists and also, being miserable. Maybe I don't want to "cheer up". Stop hanging a fucking smile on an empty thought.

The impracticality of life is in stark contrast to how we are "supposed" to feel. We (I apologise for using "we" if you don't really feel like this. I do love to generalise) are "supposed" to be optimistic when all "we" do is get knocked back again. and again. and aga... you know where I'm going.

I suggest that when you want something you can't have, that it is best to just not give up. You're going to be miserable either way. So why not have a little hope, whilst you can?