Hearing and listening are not the same.

Hearing news that you don't want to listen to is bad. Listening to news, but not really hearing it, is a sign that you are lying to yourself.

I need to write another letter.

Turning the page

Starting the next bit is exciting, daunting, terrifying, a piece of exploration, opening a little door, just to let in the light. I want to start writing, writing reams of information. The reassuring feeling of pen on paper. The formation of a point. A question. Resolving your own problem.

I want to hit the wall and get over it. Self improvement and achievement. Citing yourself as an intellectual when you know it's bullshit. Coffee and discussion.

Missing the feeling of being an undergrad. Elated to be a postgrad. Still unsure of where to go after. The doors feel like they're closing, but how can they be? It's still the beginning, surely. When you don't know what's on the next page, do you try and second-guess?